Do you rather do things by yourself than with your partner? Do you feel uneasy when you hear the door-key of your partner coming home? Do you constantly look forward to the evenings you may have all by yourself? If you answer yes to any of these questions, we advice you to take this warning sign seriously.
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Take some time to reflect and ask yourself some questions. Why do you feel this way? When did you start to feel this way? Evaluate where things went wrong and try to find ways to reconnect with your partner. Many times, lack of a common vision is the reason for boredom. You don’t know where you are going in the relationship and why. Therefore, do sit down with your partner and reconnect back with him/her. Talk about your relationship and how you can both bring excitement back into it again. Try to find common ground and write down a common vision.
You avoid planning the future.
Do you avoid conversations about the future? It could be topics such as future trips, shifting house or planning for a baby. You’re not looking forward to discuss these kinds of topics with your partner, or you avoid them altogether. This can be an indication of relationship failure.
Solution: If both of you want the relationship to improve, try to find something common that both of you like to do. What did you do during dating days? Find something fun filled and/or romantic that you used to do. As you both put in a little effort, your feelings towards each other can start to change. When feelings change, you will likely feel that it feels exciting to plan for the future.
- You entertain thoughts of breakup/divorce as an escape.
If you are daydreaming about being single again, entertaining thoughts of breakup or divorce, your relationship has come to a serious point. As such, you need to look into it urgently to save it, if that is what you both want.
We suggest that the first thing you do is once again to sit down and discuss with your partner were it did go wrong. Discuss what you can start to do straight away to change the negative spiral and state that you or both of you are in. Perhaps go for a trip together, go out for a nice dinner, or begin to talk about your prime year in your relationship. Start to talk about those times when you had really fun together, when you were head over heals in love with each other. You can also look at pictures of your wedding trip, and share your most romantic and fun experience in your relationship. You get the picture. If need be, talk to someone like a life coach, therapist etc. that can help you in your conversation. Start to do this and take it from there.
If you desire that your relationship actually would work out, you need to immediately stop thinking about divorce as an escape route. You have the power to control your thoughts and your words which have the power to change your circumstances and the way you see them. Thoughts and words often translates into actions. Therefore, do choose to immediately stop entertaining thoughts about breakup/divorce. Stop using threats about leaving the relationship in heated arguments.
A relationship is built on more than feelings. It is a decision to be together and a decision to stay together. Especially if you are married, you have promised love for a lifetime. Feelings will fluctuate and are therefore not a reliable source for decision making. Therefore, don’t always let your feelings and emotions decide what you do.
Relationships are meant to be happy and comforting. If you found out that your relationship is at risk of a relationship failure, your relationship has gone off the tracks; you would need to confront the situation honestly by initiating an uncomfortable conversation with your partner. You can choose to deal with it now or later, but the sooner the better. Most important, don’t give up but take the necessary actions to get the outcome you would like.